Reality Lost?
by TabulaRasa3
Summary: What if Buffy really had never left the institution? What if living in Sunnydale and being the Slayer was all a fantasy?
1. One

Disclaimer : Buffy belongs to Joss. This is just something that was floating around in my head and is written for fun.  
  
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"I'm sorry, there's no reaction at all," the doctor said after shining the light in Buffy's eyes. "I'm afraid we lost her."  
  
Joyce finally let the tears she'd been holding back burst free as she moved int her husband's arms. He held her close, stroking her hair, trying desperately to hold back his own heartbreak. They watched as the orderlies came in and gently lifted Buffy up onto the bed. As a precaution, they shackled her tiny limbs to it.   
  
Joyce couldn't watch any longer. "Please take me home," she said in a tiny voice.  
  
Hank nodded. He knew that his daughter would never come back from where she was. He just hoped his wife did too.  
  
  
  
They forgave her.   
  
She had tried to kill them, yet they still forgave her.   
  
'Guess that's what true friendship is,' she thought to herself as she walked slowly through the deserted cemetery. She still felt incredible guilt about everything she had done, but her friends never brought it up and acted as if it had never happened. But it had and it haunted her day and night. There was still the nagging doubt in the back of her mind. What if this really wasn't real? What if I really am lying in a bed in an institution back in L.A.? What if I am stuck here in this nightmare reality by my own choice?   
  
The words of the doctor floated back into her mind...  
  
"Last summer...momentary awakening...pulled you back in..."  
  
But last summer...she died. Hadn't she? And then Willow brought her back...to this. She looked around at all the tombstones. With the moonlight reflecting on them they looked almost beautiful. But each one was a stark reminder of a time she'd failed. The thought that some were years, decades, even centuries old didn't occur to her. Only the thought that she had failed someone at some point and they had ended up here. Sometimes this was only a temporary stop before they awoke and she had to slay them. Either way, they ended up here because of her.   
  
There had to be more to her life than this?  
  
"Slayer," came the voice she had come to know so well from behind her.  
  
"Spike," she said softly, her heartbeat quickening just a little.  
  
She could hear him drawing nearer and she forced herself to not turn around. She knew if she did, she'd weaken and things would go back to what they had been before. The decision had been made and there could be no going back. No matter how much she wanted him. And she wanted him badly.  
  
"Couldn't keep away could you?" he said as he came to a stop just behind her.  
  
"Cemetery...Slayer...Vampires. Vampires hang out in cemeteries and I must slay them," she replied, still facing away from him. "Cemeteries go with the job Spike. You know that."  
  
"But this is my cemetery luv," he persisted. "There's many others in this dump, yet you always find your way back here. You still want me, admit it."  
  
Buffy stiffened as she felt his cold fingers trailing over the back of her neck. He was right, and she hated him for it. She had almost forgotten how good his touch could be.   
  
"Stop," she moaned softly, slowly turning to face him. "I meant it Spike. It...whatever we had...its over."  
  
"You don't mean that Slayer," he whispered.   
  
His mouth was dangerously close to her ear. She pushed him away.   
  
"I mean it Spike."  
  
He stood looking at the slight figure in front of him. He had never felt anything like he felt for her before in his life, or death, and he thought she had felt it too. She couldn't have meant what she said in his crypt. That was just her reaction to being caught out by her soldier boy. She had loved it when it was a secret. She couldn't get enough of him then. But now...he hurt not being with her.   
  
"Fine," he said as he ran his hand over his short bleached hair. "We'll see how long you last without me. You'll come crawling back to me soon enough, and maybe then, I won't want you."  
  
Buffy stood silently as she watched the tall vampire disappear into the darkness.  
  
"Not gonna happen."  
  
  
  
"There's been no change," the nurse with the kind eyes said.  
  
Joyce looked up. She held Buffy's tiny hand in hers. Her fingers stroked slowly over her daughter's. She looked like she was sleeping and could awaken at any second.  
  
"I have to keep hoping," she replied. "She will come back to us when she's ready." 


	2. Two

Buffy hit her alarm clock so hard it shattered. Groaning, she lay back down and pulled the covers up over her face. She lost more clocks that way.   
  
"Buffy, you up yet?"   
  
Dawn. She wasn't ready to deal with her just now. She wasn't ready to deal with Dawn fullstop. It was just too hard. Everything was too hard. She thought she was over being back, but she wasn't. Being with Spike helped, but now that was over and she had to face the world alone. She was tired of being alone.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn yelled again. "You're gonna be late."  
  
'Late for what?' Buffy thought as she dragged herself out of bed. Her oh so important job at the Doublemeat Palace? Without her maybe someone wouldn't die of a heart attack after eating that slop.   
  
She looked in the mirror. Was this what her life had come to? Serving burgers to overweight losers, families with screaming kids or teenagers with a better future than she could ever dream of during the day and hanging out in cemetaries at night? Sleeping with someone she hated, a vampire no less, just so she could feel something, even if it was just temporarily, and even if it did nothing more than disgust her afterwards?   
  
Then there were her friends...and Dawn.   
  
Everything was a mess. Xander and Anya were still not talking which made things harder on the rest of them. Were they supposed to take sides or remain neutral? Even that was hard sometimes. They had history with Xander, but Anya had wormed her way into their circle and their hearts too. Willow and Tara were still not together, but they were at least communicating now. Maybe they'd work out their differences and things would go back to how they were, at least thats what Buffy hoped. Willow had been 'on the magic-wagon' for a while now, and although it was still hard for her, she was making the effort. It did help that she wasn't seeing the happiness of them every day though. She missed having someone in her life and she had found herself envying Willow for having Tara. Spike was hardly a 'someone' in her life. He was...just there. He understood what she had been through and what she felt better than anyone else. Maybe thats what drew her to him. She needed to have someone to talk to. Someone who understood and wouldn't be disturbed by how she was feeling. Someone who...loved her.   
  
She shook her head, trying to dislodge that thought. Spike loved no-one. He was a souless monster incapable of any emotion or feeling. He just loved having power over her. She felt helpless to control herself in his presence and he knew all the right buttons to push. And he just loved to push them. It was over. Seeing Riley again had forced her to see things more clearly. What she and Spike had was wrong, and eventually, somehow, one of them would have to kill the other. They were natural enemies, even if Spike was under control now, he might not always be. It was better it ended now, before anyone else found out. She had to hold on to what little dignity she had left, even if it was only in her own eyes.  
  
"BUFFY????"  
  
Then there was Dawn.   
  
Ever since their mother's death, things had gotten harder. Buffy was not only the slayer, she had taken on the role of mother to her sister. That was the hardest thing she had ever had to deal with. Give her demons or vampires or even a nice apocalypse over dealing with Dawn anyday. It wasn't just the shoplifting. That had been all sorted out and Dawn was working hard to pay Anya back, pay everyone back. She'd just become so whiney lately. Maybe it was just a reaction to Willow and Tara's breakup, or just a normal teenaged thing to go through. Either way, Buffy was at a loss with how to deal with her sometimes. Life had been so much easier before her.  
  
She closed her eyes. Sometimes, if she listened hard enough, she thought she could still hear her mother's voice softly whispering to her. Softly begging her to come home.   
  
But she was home...wasn't she?  
  
She opened her eyes and took one last look at herself in the mirror. She looked so tired. Her eyes reflected a soul that had seen too much. Much more than someone her age should have seen.   
  
"Oh good, you're up," said Dawn as she popped her head around the door. "I've been calling you for ages."  
  
"Yes I'm up," Buffy replied.   
  
"Great. I thought I'd walk to school with you this morning when you go to work and then after work, we can go shopping and buy that..."  
  
Buffy tuned her out. She was still haunted by her mother's words...  
  
"You don't have a sister..." 


	3. Three

Hank hated what this was doing to Joyce. She spent hours each day sitting by Buffy's bedside, just talking as if she could hear her. Supposedly, coma patients could, but he'd always doubted that. He just wanted everything back to the way it was before Buffy thought she was this Slayer girl. He missed her. He missed what their life had been. They had been so happy. There had been fights between him and Joyce, but that was part of any normal marriage.   
  
"Please Buffy," Joyce begged. "Please fight it. Come back to us baby. You're a survivor. You can do this. For me. For your father. Please fight it."  
  
  
  
"I can't," Buffy whispered.  
  
"Huh?" Willow said. "Can't what?"  
  
Buffy looked up and found everyone looking at her. It had happened again. Her mother's voice seemed to be interrupting her thoughts more and more these days. She was beginning to lose track of what was real and what wasn't more often. But hadn't that 'cure' Willow had made put a stop to this? Sure, she wasn't drifting into that institution anymore, but the voices still remained.  
  
"Nothing," Buffy mumbled as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "What were we talking about?"  
  
Willow let it drop as Dawn started rambling on about a movie she wanted to see. But she could tell something was up that Buffy wasn't telling them.   
  
"Yeah, sure," Buffy was saying, but her heart wasn't in it.  
  
"Yay," squealed Dawn as she jumped up and ran off to find something to wear.  
  
"Is everything ok Buffy?" Willow asked after she'd left.  
  
"Perfectly," Buffy replied. "I have to patrol. Can you and Xander take Dawn to ..."  
  
"Of course we can, but shouldn't you rest?"  
  
"Yeah Buff," Xander agreed. "You look worn out."  
  
She smiled. "I'm fine. Honestly I am. Enjoy the movie, and explain to Dawn?"  
  
"Okay," Willow said finally. "Be careful."  
  
"Always am," Buffy replied as she gathered up her weapons. She suddenly knew what she had to do.  
  
  
  
  
Spike prowled around his crypt like a caged tiger. She was under his skin now. He needed her and thought that she needed him too. Why couldn't she just admit it? Why wouldn't she give in and love him too? He missed her, so much. The feel of her in his arms. The scent of her hair. The way her body writhed under his.   
  
'Snap out of it,' he told himself as he reached into the fridge and pulled out a jar of blood. He was beginning to like it cold. It had taken some getting used to, but now it was the way he mostly drank it. Plus it took to long to warm up.  
  
"I knew you'd be back," he said without turning around.  
  
Buffy stood in the doorway watching him.   
  
"Couldn't keep away could you Slayer?"  
  
  
  
'You must fight it Buffy. Fight the ones holding you there. Only then can you come back to us.'   
  
  
  
"I have to..." she said softly.  
  
"Have to what luv?" Spike asked, putting the blood down and wandering slowly over to her. "You want me. Why can't you just admit it?"  
  
Buffy looked up at him. Her eyes caught his. Spike didn't like what he saw there.   
  
Nothing.  
  
"Buffy..?"  
  
"Its too hard. I can't do this anymore. I need to go home. I have to," she said as gently, she slide the stake through Spike's heart. "I'm sorry."  
  
His eyes widened as he felt it penetrate his body.   
  
"...love you..." he said as his body slowly turned into dust.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes and covered her ears.   
  
"No no no NO!!!!" she screamed as she fell to the floor beside the pile of ashes that was once Spike.  
  
  
  
"Please baby. You have to come back. You have so much to do. There's so much for you out here. You can't stay in your dreams forever," Joyce pleaded as she clung to her daughter's lifeless hand.   
  
"Joyce, stop doing this to yourself," Hank said as he gently squeezed her shoulder. "You heard what the doctor said. She's never coming back. She'll stay locked in that coma, in her own world, maybe forever."  
  
Joyce looked up at her husband with tearfilled eyes. "I have to hope...to believe...that she will return to us. Its the only thing that keeps me going."  
  
"I know hunny," he replied, kissing her gently on the forehead. "Its late. We should get going."  
  
Joyce nodded. She was about to release Buffy's hand when...  
  
"Hank, it moved. Buffy's hand, it moved."  
  
He looked and saw that Buffy's fingers were slowly moving.  
  
"NURSE!" he yelled. 


	4. Four

Buffy let herself into the dark house. Thankfully, everyone appeared to be out. The house was silent.   
  
She made her way into the living room and collapsed on the sofa. She looked down at her hands, still covered with the dust of what had been Spike. She's killed him. Well, technically not, as he was already dead. But she had staked him. Sent him to the rest he should have gone to many years ago. It didn't make it any easier.   
  
Sure, she hadn't loved him, but she had had some kind of feelings for him. She had to have, or else seeing him at the abortive wedding with someone else wouldn't have hurt so much.   
  
  
  
"Come on baby, you almost did it. You can finish it. You can come back to us. Its not real Buffy. Nothing in there is real."  
  
  
  
"Mom?"  
  
Buffy stood up and looked around. She was alone. Slowly she walked upstairs to the bathroom and turned on the shower.   
  
'Am I losing my mind?' she asked the pale face looking back at her in the mirror. 'I must be if I'm standing here waiting for a reply.' Rolling her eyes at herself, she checked the water temperature. Perfect. She shed her clothes, throwing them into the corner, and stepped into the shower.   
  
The water felt so good as it flowed over her weary body. It also masked her tears. She reached for the soap and slowly washed the dust off her body.   
  
  
  
"It was just a movement. I wouldn't get your hopes up just yet. She might never come out of this," said the doctor as he looked from Hank to Joyce.  
  
"But her hand did move," said Joyce. "I didn't imagine it."  
  
The doctor nodded. "Yes, her hand did move. I just don't know if it was some kind of reflex movement or if it was a sign. Just don't get your hopes up. If she was trying to come back, its a long journey she has ahead of her. She couldn't do it the last time she tried."  
  
"Maybe now she's ready," whispered Joyce.  
  
  
  
She lay on her bed, wrapped up in just a towel. The others had come home, but she'd feigned sleep and they hadn't disturbed her. But she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Spike's blue eyes as he looked into hers. Heard his pained last words. Maybe he had really loved her. Maybe it wasn't just a power trip sleeping with her after all. It was much too late now though. He was gone, forever, and she was the one who had sent him there.   
  
'Morning,' she said to herself. 'It will all be better in the morning.'  
  
  
  
"Did you sleep well?" Willow asked as Buffy walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Ah, yeah," she lied. She didn't want them to know about the nightmares that had plagued her all night. Of Spike's eyes boring into hers. Accusing her of using him and then killing him. She couldn't deny it. She had used him. He'd made life easier for her. Made her feel again.   
  
"So whatcha up to today? Work?"  
  
"Work? Uh, later," she said.  
  
"What's up Buff," asked Willow. "You seem distracted. Bad night patrolling?"  
  
"If only you knew," she said under her breath.   
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing," Buffy said quickly. "Where were you last night?"  
  
"We went to see that movie, remember?"  
  
Buffy nodded. She vaguely remembered Dawn saying something about a movie and Xander saying that they'd take her. Her memory was becoming fuzzy. She was hearing the voices more too. Her mother mostly. But she was dead...wasn't she?  
  
  
  
"...and then when you saw Dorothy Hamil skate. That's all you wanted to do. Be a skater like her. Oh Buffy, why did this happen to you?" Joyce wiped her tears.   
  
"We should go sweetheart," Hank said. He didn't know how much longer he could do this. How much longer he could watch Joyce tearing herself apart waiting for Buffy to wake up. She might never wake up again, but Joyce wouldn't give up hope. She did move. But she had retreated back into her coma.   
  
"Soon," Joyce replied. "I just don't want to leave her alone."  
  
  
  
"I'm going to Spike's," Dawn said again.  
  
"No you're not," repeated Buffy.   
  
Dawn stalked over to where her older sister stood. "Why not? You always let me go to Spike's. Why not now?" she demanded.  
  
"He's...gone away for a while," Buffy replied.  
  
"Gone? Where? Why?"   
  
"Do I look like his travel agent?" she snapped. "He just left."  
  
Dawn ran from the room.   
  
"I should go after her," said Willow. "You should patrol."  
  
Buffy nodded, not knowing what to say. Things were getting hard again. She just wanted out, desperately. She finally knew how, but could she do it? 


	5. Five

Dawn snuck out when Willow had retired to her room. Spike wouldn't just leave without saying goodbye. Something was up and Buffy wasn't telling them everything.   
  
'Well if she wants to keep secrets I'll just have to see Spike for myself,' Dawn thought to herself as she walked along the lonely street that lead to the cemetery.   
  
The dark no longer scared her. After all, as the Slayer's sister, she had seen everything that could possibly go bump in the night. Even so, she picked up her pace. After what had happened at Halloween, she wanted to be back home before she was missed.   
  
The walk didn't take her long, but as she entered the cemetery, she was very conscious that Buffy might be patrolling there so she cautiously wandered amongst the headstones. She relaxed as she neared Spike's crypt. No sign of her sister. Maybe she was patrolling a different cemetery tonight.   
  
Slowly, Dawn pushed the door open. It was empty.   
  
"Spike?" she called out as she walked inside. "Are you here?"  
  
There was no reply. Maybe he was out too. Maybe Buffy lied. Spike wouldn't just leave. He wasn't like that. He liked her and she trusted him. He was the only person she could always count on to be honest with her, no matter what.   
  
"Spike?" she called again.   
  
She walked around the empty room. Everything was still in its place. He wouldn't have left without his things. Buffy had lied, but why?   
  
"Where are you Spike?" she said to herself as she wandered towards one of his comfortable chairs.   
  
Her foot kicked something. Dawn stopped walking and looked down. A stake? Why would Spike leave a stake lying on the floor of his crypt? Since joining the 'Scoobies' he did use them, but she had never seen one in his crypt before. As she leaned down to pick it up, she noticed it was lying in a pile of ashes. Vampire ashes? Had Spike been attacked in his home? Was that why he wasn't around now? Her mind refused to even acknowledge any other reason for the ashes in his crypt. Silently she sat down, her fingers slowly tracing through them. She didn't even hear Buffy walk up behind her.  
  
"You couldn't just leave it could you?"  
  
Dawn jumped up.   
  
"Buffy? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I should ask you the same thing," Buffy said. "I told you, Spike left."  
  
"I don't believe you," Dawn replied. "He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. He wouldn't just leave me."  
  
"So self centred," Buffy murmured as she slowly circled around Dawn. "The whole world just has to revolve around Dawn." She stopped and looked at her sister. "Well he did. He left. He didn't want to, but it was time for him to go. Time for you all to go."  
  
"Buffy, you're scaring me," Dawn said softly.   
  
"Time for me to go home," she continued. "I don't belong here. None of us belong here. I want to go home."  
  
"Buffy," Dawn said louder. "Come on, I'll take you home. Willow will know what to do."  
  
Buffy stopped and looked up at Dawn. "Willow's not real. You're not real. I have to stop you all so I can be well. So I can go home. Mum and dad are waiting for me. But you just won't let me go. I have to stop you all."  
  
Dawn took a step back. A feeling of terror was building up inside her. Then she understood. The ashes...  
  
"You killed Spike didn't you," she said, more a statement than question.  
  
Buffy nodded blankly. "I had to. He wouldn't let me go."  
  
Dawn screamed and launched herself at her sister. Dawn's fists pounded into her body, but Buffy didn't feel them. She was lost in listening to the voices calling to her. The voices which wanted her back. The voices telling her she didn't have a sister. That Sunnydale was a dream, a fantasy. They told her nothing there was real.   
  
As if in slow motion, Buffy grabbed Dawn around the throat. Dawn screamed.   
  
"Buffy please," she begged. "I'm your sister. I love you. Please don't do this."  
  
But Buffy couldn't hear her. But she did hear the snap as she broke Dawn's neck.  
  
"I don't have a sister," she said as she dropped Dawn's lifeless body.  
  
  
  
"Doctor," the nurse yelled.   
  
He came running. Together they stood and watched as Buffy's eyelids flickered slowly before opening. Then they closed again.  
  
"She's fighting it," the doctor said to the nurse. "She's trying to come back." 


	6. Six

Buffy sat all night beside the body of Dawn. Her hands brushed the hair back off her face, but she felt nothing. It was almost as if Dawn was nothing more than a doll to her. Now she was even closer to getting out of this hell hole and going home where she belonged. There was only two standing in her way.   
  
The witches...Tara and Willow. They brought her back the last time she left this place. They were the ones who would bring her back if she tried to leave again. They had to go, and soon. Tara would be easy. It was Willow who had all the power, but she was still on her magicks-ban.   
  
Xander was no threat. She discounted him completely. Anyway, he was still too messed up after the wedding fiasco. He didn't have the knowledge or skill to bring anyone back. He couldn't function right now without Anya. Without Willow as well, he'd be nothing. He wasn't worth her time, she decided.  
  
She looked outside and noticed that the sun had come up.   
  
'I should go home, to that house," she thought to herself. 'There'll be questions if I don't. And anyway...Willow."  
  
  
  
  
"Xander, is Buffy or Dawn there?"   
  
"Willow? Ah, not seen them since last night." He rolled over. "What time is it?"  
  
He could hear her smile as she replied. "Its almost 9 o'clock Xander," she laughed. "Still sleeping?"  
  
"Yeah. Can't seem to get to sleep anymore. I miss her Will."  
  
"I know how you feel Xander," she said. "I still miss Tara. But, we're talking now. There's always hope that things will work out."  
  
"I hope you're right," he sighed.   
  
"When aren't I?" teased the redhead.   
  
"Well..."  
  
"Answer that and I'll kill you," she laughed. "Ah Xander, hang on a sec, I think I heard someone at the door."  
  
"Sure Will."  
  
Willow put the phone down and wandered from the kitchen and into the living room. She smiled when she saw it was just Buffy. Quickly she went back to the phone.  
  
"Its Buffy. I'll talk to you later?"   
  
"Yeah. Thanks Will," Xander said.  
  
"What did I do?" she asked.  
  
"You've given me hope," he said before hanging up the phone.  
  
Willow shrugged as she too replaced the phone.   
  
"Did Dawn already leave for school?" she yelled.  
  
She turned and saw Buffy was standing behind her. She looked...strange.  
  
"School? Yes. Dawn left," she said in an odd, detached voice.  
  
"What's wrong Buffy? I'm starting to worry about you."  
  
"You shouldn't."  
  
But Willow was. She could feel that something was very wrong with the Slayer, and she couldn't put her finger on it. She'd been acting odd for a while now. But the cure worked, hadn't it? Buffy had been her 'old self' again. She'd been patrolling on her own again and she'd been spending more time with Dawn. It was the look in her eyes that was scaring Willow. A wildness that hadn't been there before. She felt uncomfortable being in the same room as her now.   
  
She made a move towards the door. "I gotta get to class," she said. "I'll see you soon."  
  
Buffy nodded. She was torn between her thoughts. She could hear her mother's voice in her head telling her the only way home was to get rid of the things keeping her there. Those things were her friends. The people she loved more than anyone. They had been there for her through the good times and bad. But they had also pulled her back into this hell. She'd been happy and home until they thought they knew best. But they didn't. She wanted to go home now. She wanted the hurt and hardness of this life to be over. She could never have that when the one who caused it all still walked around. She would be a threat for as along as she continued breathing. She had to be stopped.   
  
"Willow?" Buffy called after her.  
  
She watched as Willow came back into the kitchen. Without giving her a chance to say anything, Buffy slammed her fist into the redhead's jaw, knocking her out instantly. Her face was blank as she watched Willow slide onto the floor and lie there. She looked so peaceful, so innocent. But Buffy knew better. She knew that Willow was guilty. She had done the unthinkable. She had ruined Buffy's life and she had to pay for it. She had Willow right where she wanted her, but the final step...actually ending her life...she couldn't do it. But she knew someone who could. 


	7. Seven

She felt nothing, but that didn't surprise her. She'd felt nothing for days now. Nothing, except a numbness which had crept in and taken over her body like an unwelcome intruder. But she welcomed it. It made what she had to do all that easier. She wanted to go home, and this was the only way for that to happen.   
  
Anyway, her mother's voice told her this wasn't real. They weren't real. She was killing a dream, nothing more. A dream which had become a nightmare she couldn't escape from, no matter how much she tried. But she had found a way to escape, and she was taking it. It no longer mattered how or why.   
  
It only took her a few minutes to tie Willow up and prop her up, ready to transport to where she'd decided to take her. There was a nest of vampires on the edge of town. She'd always known they were there, just never had had the opportunity to take them out. The irony of what she was about to do didn't escape her. How often did a slayer feed vampires? She chose to forget the times she'd fed Angel and Spike. Spoonfeeding vampires animal blood didn't count. This was different. She would be feeding them a person. She stiffled a laugh. They'd think it was Christmas.   
  
She was about to open the door and leave when the phone rang. The noise startled her as it cut though the heavy silence of the house. Buffy walked over to the phone. Her hand was poised in the air above it, about to pick it up when the machine cut it off.  
  
"Willow, its Tara. You missed class. Is everything alright? If its ok with you, I'll stop by later to drop off today's assignments."  
  
Then there was the buzz of the dialtone as Tara hung up. Buffy stood looking at the phone for a long time. Tara would be coming here. It would make things easier for her. She deleted the message and walked back across the kitchen to where she'd left Willow. The slim redhead was beginning to stir. She'd be fully conscious again soon. With no time to lose, Buffy hauled her semi-conscious form out of the house and threw her into the back of her mother's car.   
  
She hadn't driven since the time all the adults went through their second childhoods thanks to Ethan Rayne and the former mayor of Sunnydale. But that hadn't happened. This was a dream and she could do anything she wanted in her own dreams, she told herself.   
  
The wheel looked huge to her as she slid in behind it. With a shaking hand, she slipped the key into the ignition slot and started the car. Buffy took a deep breath as she moved it into reverse and drove carefully down the driveway. She took another one as she moved it into first and started along her road, towards the part of town where the nest was.   
  
She heard a low moan coming from the back seat. At the first stop sign, she looked over her shoulder and watched Willow trying to battle her way back to consciousness. She was relieved when she saw that the redhead's eyes were still closed. She didn't think she would have been able to handle looking into her friend's eyes one last time, even though she knew that her friend wasn't real. For years, Willow had been a comfort and a support for her in this nightmare she had drawn up around herself. But the nightmare was taking over and had become too hard to keep living in. She needed to go home. She wanted to go home.  
  
She was woken out of her thoughts by the sound of a carhorn blasting behind her. She checked for coming traffic and when she saw the road was clear, she moved on.   
  
Buffy drove carefully through town. She knew enough to be alert for any police cars cruising the streets. She was too close to make a mistake now. Only Willow and Tara to go.  
  
Tara.  
  
Walking along the side of the road. She wouldn't have to wait after all.  
  
Buffy pulled the car over and stopped. She opened her door and got out so she could wait on the sidewalk for Tara to catch up to her.   
  
Tara was surprised to see her. "Buffy? Is anything wrong? Oh god, is it Willow? Is she okay?"  
  
"Willow..." Buffy said in the monotone her voice had become. "Willow needs you."  
  
"I knew something was wrong when she didn't come to class today," Tara was worried now. "Where is she? Please Buffy, take me to her."  
  
"She's in the car," Buffy replied. "She needs you to be with her when she goes."  
  
Tara ran over to the car and looked in. She saw Willow lying bound on the backseat. Stunned, she pulled the door open and starting shaking her.  
  
"Willow," she yelled. "Willow, wake up. Please Willow, please wake up."  
  
She didn't hear Buffy walking up behind her until she felt her hand on her back. Tara turned.  
  
"Buffy, what happened? What's going on? Why won't she wake up?"  
  
"She brought me back," Buffy said softly. "Back to this hell. She has to be punished. She has to go so I can go home again." She looked up into Tara's eyes. "You all do."  
  
Before Tara could react, Buffy slammed the empty bottle she'd picked up just minutes before into the side of her head. She caught Tara before she fell and pushed her into the car with Willow. Glancing around, she smiled when she saw that no-one had noticed. She slammed the open door and quickly walked back around to the driver's side. Soon it would be over and she would be back home with her mother, and her father. Everything would be back to the way it should be.   
  
  
  
"Her hand moved again," Joyce whispered. She looked up at the doctor. "Do you think...I mean...is she trying to come back? Is she coming out of this...state?"  
  
The doctor rubbed his chin. "I honestly don't know Mrs Summers," he replied. "I have never seen anyone recover from a catatonic state as severe as Buffy's, but from what we have been seeing over the past few days, I'm hopeful, but please remember, it could all just be reflex actions."  
  
Joyce turned her tear filled eyes back to her daughter, still lying strapped to the bed where she'd been since she said goodbye in the tiniest and saddest voice. It had broken Joyce's heart hearing that and almost destroyed the last shreds of hope she held in her heart. But she'd been hoping and praying day after day for a miracle, and she believed her prayers were being answered. Buffy was fighting to come back, she just knew it. 


	8. Eight

Buffy stopped the car. She sat looking at Tara and Willow still sprawled out on the backseat and felt a brief twinge. Was she doing the right thing? Was this how she had to get home?   
  
'Buffy, baby I know you can hear me. Come back to us hunny, please.'  
  
"Mom?"   
  
She opened the car door and slid out.   
  
"Mom? Where are you?" she asked the emptiness around her. But there was no reply. She had her answer. This was what she had to do.  
  
With renewed confidence, she walked into the cave. It was as she'd heard. A nest of vampires. They were sleeping, but that didn't surprise her. The sun was still out. Vampires had nothing to do during daylight hours, and although they didn't have the physical need to sleep anymore, the lingering human memories inside them and the boredom of hiding from the daylight, made sleeping the only option they had.   
  
She grabbed the closest one. The vampire, a female, hissed as it opened its eyes.   
  
"Slayer?" it asked.  
  
"Which one is in charge?" Buffy asked without replying.  
  
The vampire laughed. "Why should I tell you?" it sneered.  
  
Buffy pulled out a stake and held against the vampire's chest. "I think you'll tell me."  
  
The vampire squirmed in Buffy's tight grasp. The stake was digging into her flesh and she knew that Buffy would stake her without another thought. She thought about screaming, alerting the others, but the slayer could have just staked her whilst she slept, and hadn't. She wanted to see what was more important to her than adding to her vampire kill scorecard.  
  
"Over there," it said finally, it's hand raised and pointing to the left.   
  
"What's its name?" Buffy snarled.  
  
"Ma-Marius," the female replied.  
  
Buffy releashed her, roughly pushing her into the wall. The female vampire was knocked out, but still as alive as a vampire could be. Twirling the stake in her hand, she walked over to where the vampire had pointed. She stood in the shadows, watching the male called Marius sleep. In another life she s'posed she'd have found him good looking. But he was a vampire, and not real.   
  
Without warning, she jumped on him, her small body straddling his. His eyes flew open and she found herself staring into his deep brown ones.   
  
"Slayer," he growled.  
  
"Thats what they call me," she replied as she held her stake against his heart. "Now shut up and listen."  
  
"I don't listen to slayers," he spat. "One word and I can wake my companions and we'll be drinking your blood before you could blink."  
  
"But then you wouldn't know why you're not a pile of dust right now," Buffy replied.   
  
Marius blinked. The slayer had a point. Why wasn't he a pile of dust? He raised up onto his elbows and fixed his eyes on hers.  
  
"Then speak slayer."  
  
"There's something I have to do," she said softly. "But I can't do it alone. I need your help."  
  
Marius laughed. "Why should I help you?"  
  
This was harder than Buffy thought it would be. For years inside this, dreamworld, she'd killed his kind, and now, his kind was all she had, all she could turn to for help. Much as she hated this, it had to be done.  
  
"Outside," she started, "in the car. I have...I have something for you."  
  
He was curious now. The slayer had sought him out and brought him something?   
  
"I'll leave them there," she said in a monotone. "Just promise that when you...do what you do, you won't sire them."  
  
"You want us to kill for you?" Marius was incredulous. "Why? Is this a trick slayer?"  
  
Buffy's eyes met his again. "Its no trick. I just want to go home. Promise me please."  
  
Marius nodded. "I promise."  
  
Buffy slid off his body and slowly walked towards the cave entrance. She stopped just before exiting and looked back over her shoulder.   
  
"Thank you."  
  
Then she was gone. Marius sat in confusion. He understood what Buffy wanted, but he couldn't understand what she meant by going home. But in the end, who was he to turn to turn down a free meal?  
  
The sun was going down as Buffy walked out of the cave. She walked back over to the car. Willow was awake and struggling to free herself from the ropes, but Tara was still unconscious. Willow looked up and caught Buffy watching her. Her struggling increased. Sadly Buffy smiled and ran her hand down the window of the car.  
  
"Goodbye Will," she said softly, then she was gone, leaving Willow and Tara in the car and to their fate.  
  
Willow struggled and tried to scream, but the tape over her mouth kept it in. She had no idea where she was, or what was going on, only that it was something bad. Tara was with her, but she was not responding to the movement of her struggles.   
  
It was getting dark and Willow could hear noises outside the car.  
  
'Oh god, please let it be Buffy,' Willow silently prayed, but when the doors of the car flew open, she found herself staring up into the twisted faces of vampires.  
  
They pulled Tara out first, followed by Willow. A tall male vampire walked towards the ones holding her. His cold hand softly moved over her face and lingered on her lips.   
  
"Such a pity," he said. "You would have made a beautiful addition to my flock, but I made a promise."  
  
Buffy watched from the shadows of the trees as the male called Marius turned to his flock, as he called them, and raised his hands.  
  
"Tonight, we feed," he said. "And remember children, they are not to be sired."  
  
They killed Tara first. Slowly draining her blood from her body as Willow watched. Even from the safety of her hideout, Buffy could see the power return to Willow's eyes. But without her voice, she was helpless.   
  
"She's dead master," a smaller male vampire said as the others dropped Tara's lifeless body onto the ground.  
  
Marius reached his hand forward and placed it on the male's head. "You have done well my childe. Now its my turn."  
  
Willow hardly felt his fangs slide into her neck. She could only feel the pain of Tara's loss, and Buffy's betrayal. Her eyelids were beginning to feel heavy, so heavy she could hardly keep them open. But she needed to see Tara. She fought against closing them, but a blackness was descending over her, along with a comforting numbness. Soon, she could see or feel nothing at all.  
  
Marius dropped her lifeless body and wiped his bloody lips.   
  
  
  
"NOOOOO WILLOW!!!" Buffy screamed as she thrashed against the bonds holding her strapped to the bed.  
  
Joyce, who had been sitting beside her, holding her hand, was thrown onto the floor.   
  
"Buffy? Oh my god. Buffy you're back. DOCTOR!!!" she yelled as she scrambled up onto her feet.  
  
There was a rush of people into the room. Two orderlies tried to hold Buffy down as a nurse injected something into her arm.  
  
"Its just something to calm her," the doctor told Joyce. "She's in a distressed state right now and we can't examine her until she quietens down."  
  
Joyce nodded and held onto Hank who had rushed into the room behind the others.   
  
"But she's back?" Joyce asked. "She's really back with us?"  
  
The doctor nodded. "Yes she's back."  
  
He turned from Joyce and Hank and looked down at Buffy who had stopped thrashing and was now lying quietly.  
  
"Back here with us. You did your job good slayer," he whispered as he lowered his face down closer to hers. "And now you'll never leave."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened as the kindly face of the doctor twisted into something demonic. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out.  
  
"No-one can hear you, and no-one will believe you," the demon doctor continued. "You just killed your sister and friends. You just killed everyone you loved and who loved you. Now you will be trapped here forever, never knowing what is real and what isn't."  
  
"Mom...?" Buffy managed to moan, but when she turned to look at her mother, all she saw was another demon. Everyone was a demon. She screamed again.  
  
  
  
Xander stood outside her door, watching through the little glass window. He couldn't believe this had happened. Willow, Tara, Dawn...all gone. All gone by Buffy's hands.   
  
"This is the best place for her," Giles said softly from behind him. "They'll take very good care of her."  
  
Xander turned away from the door, unable to watch her any longer. His tear filled eyes looked up into the eyes of the older man.  
  
"How...? Why...?" he kept asking.  
  
Giles reached out and squeezed his shoulder, then walked over to the door. He looked in on the young woman he'd watched over and loved like a daughter for years. She just lay on the floor of her room screaming and moaning. She wasn't the Buffy he knew anymore.  
  
"Buffy," he said in a voice full of pain. "Buffy, what happened to you?"  
  
Slowly he walked away from the door and wrapped an arm around Xander's shoulders. Together, they walked down the long corridor away from Buffy and her screams.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!" 


End file.
